The Pregnancy Secret: When to Keep Mum

The Dilemma

An expectant mother is facing a tough decision: whether to share the sex of her baby with her mother-in-law (MIL). The woman, 28, has explicitly told her husband, Mark, 29, that she doesn't want to reveal the news to his mother, citing past betrayals of trust. But Mark thinks she's being unfair and "punishing" his mom for past mistakes.

The Reasons Behind the Silence

The woman's reasons for keeping the secret are rooted in her MIL's past behavior. When she was 7 weeks pregnant, she confided in her MIL, asking her to keep it a secret until the first trimester ended. But within days, the MIL had spilled the beans to her entire family. The expectant mom also recalled a painful Christmas incident where her MIL didn't invite her over because her house had "seen a death" and she was considered "bad luck" following her own mother's passing.

Now, the MIL is suddenly super involved, using affectionate names and wanting to be part of everything – which feels fake to the expectant mom. She feels like she's only valued as the grandchild-bearer, not as a person.

The Husband's Blind Spot

Mark seems focused on defending his mom, thinking his wife is holding a grudge. But the real issue is trust and respect. The expectant mom's dad and brother have been her rock, discreet and supportive – unlike her MIL.

Learning from Narcissistic Behavior Patterns

This situation shares some red flags with narcissistic behavior patterns, like lack of empathy and manipulation tactics. The MIL's actions, such as sharing private news without permission and treating her daughter-in-law poorly, demonstrate a concerning lack of boundaries and respect [1

Key Takeaways

• Trust your instincts: If someone's past behavior has hurt you, it's okay to set boundaries.
• Communicate openly: Talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns.
• Prioritize self-care: Surround yourself with people who support and respect you.

Join the Conversation

What do you think? Should the expectant mom share the news with her MIL? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Read more about narcissistic behavior patterns and how to cope with them: How Do Narcissists Treat Their Wives? and 7 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Relationships.

Image Credit: people.com